The Problem with Rainbows

 Rainbows are ugly. There. I said it.

If a clown vomited, it may in fact look exactly like… a rainbow.

Now I routinely use rainbow motifs in my art, and plan to continue to do so. It is a symbol within the gay community with so much meaning and history, that you just can’t really do without it. Not only does a color spectrum nicely describe the variety of humans contained within both the gay community and all humans in general, but it also can serve as a decent muse to remind you of what colors you currently aren’t using in your work. And while I myself may struggle with rainbows at times, there are far better artists out there than me, and I know they can make it work for them just fine.

But all that aside, I still feel this luminous symbol is worthy of a discussion nonetheless. Specifically, why it might be a strategic mistake to assault heterosexuals visually with rainbows when trying to engage with them. No one likes to be assaulted with rainbows. No one. 0_0

If I remember correctly, there are a two known methods in dealing with a bear attack. One is to make a lot of noise and act big, the other is… to use rainbows. Whomever thought that us classically greek beautiful half men-women should adorn ourselves with contrasting neon when trying to make intellectual arguments of equality… well I want to meet them. They sound like a hoot and a half.

When you associate rainbows with other concepts in reality… you may start to come up with words like… clouds, unicorns, princesses, and tiny miniscule dwarf-like irishmen. These are all very well known to be things of unquestioned grandeur and respect. 

And to add some framework of whom we are often trying to approach with our rainbows to make our newest friends… that would be our natural predator… the straight man, well known lover of rainbows.  As you know this usually works out well in nature.

And while this stereotype of straight men was indeed selected for its comedic value… it is nonetheless in some ways true. Straight men are indeed living weapons. The males of this species are often larger, more aggressive, more socially territorial, and take the lead in combat and defense much moreso than their female counterparts.

And interestingly enough, the universe has decided to blame these traits of a quite literal “arms” race, on no one else other than… women. Yes, the directed evolution of straight men by the sexual selection of women has been occurring since the dawn of man. It really brings some new meaning to the phrase…

                                                                     “Lucy! You have some splain’n to do!” 

It's okay Lucy...it's 2024. You can admit your attraction to living weapons publicly. 

What many straight women are often too shy to admit.. is that there are few things more beautiful in this world than a muscled angry straight man sweating. This is because women have not often been through what I call… “The Harrowing,” a dark ancient ritual that leaves the soul void of feeling and emotion. Or what others may more commonly know as, being gay in modern society.

This is me when I see a muscled angry straight man sweating.

(Also to note, this scene is from the first X-Files movie, and randomly enough is indeed an example of that original sentence/story from my earlier blog entry. This scene is also maybe the emotional climax of the entire series as well and, in my opinion, is beyond well crafted. If you were to dislike such stories as a gay human… there’d be nothing in the world left to like…so I choose not to do that myself. It is also a personal favorite of many I know, because the scientist goes unconscious reciting their symptoms LIKE A BEAST! Scully usually never fails to impress. Anyways, it still does call out to me, how the gays could use art of this quality for our own, whom will continue to auto select straight media as long as it is as far better crafted as it currently is, as well as often more socially relevant at the watercooler too.)

I've heard that men and women often like to blame each other for their problems. What is interesting here is that this is literally in a way true, as each gender has directed the evolution of the other by their specific attractions. If you do not like the muscled angry straight men sweating as a character... you may find it interesting, that you in fact may be in possession of the attraction that caused them in the first place. And while it may be weird to be attracted to those larger than you, who have been selected quite literally for their better strength/kill ability... in the end this attraction is nearly synonymous with being attracted to success, and those you are attracted to are considered by society still... to be healthy/fit humans. (Women are attracted to success/want success in those around them... and are far closer to bridging the altruism gap than men. This attraction to "living weapons" is indeed more in this vein than maybe an average man's sexuality which can be described to sometimes include the attraction to the weak or conquerable.. so again don't feel too weird about yourself... as I'm sure straight men have some issues of their own here in this category.)

Alright.. back to rainbows. Let's create a character called.... Rainbow Jr. okay? Now, Rainbow Jr. you see, he loves rainbows. Rainbows have provided an answer for him that not much else has, an identity that makes sense in a world that often has abandoned him entirely. Rainbow Jr. has adopted this provided motif into not only his summer fashion wardrobe, but also into his very mindset as well. Rainbow Jr. has become Rainbow Jr. 

Now when Rainbow Jr. approaches the muscled angry straight man sweating, with a song of clouds and sunshine in his heart, ready to make a new friend...he is often murdered instead as a result. Or treated in such a way so routinely that he will murder himself. What fun, reality. What fun. Still looking at you, Lucy. 

Now could Rainbow Jr. have stood a better chance if he had been provided a better motif? One set in a reality where Lucy started to breed an army to take over the world millions of years ago? Clearly, you're going to have a hard time trying to take away Rainbow Jr's rainbow. He will clutch to that thing like a gun. A gun that could never hurt anyone else, and oddly enough, maybe die because of it.

If you're looking to me for any answers after this analysis, I'm afraid I don't have all that many sometimes. Nothing in this universe is here because it was for the best. It's often just what we have been left with at the end of random chaos. I think we can succeed as a minority leaving the rainbow flag just where it is, but it is for the best to always question everything, and I often wonder if the aesthetically unpleasing to nearly everyone choice was in the end a wise one, and whom may suffer because of it. There's always room for more symbols if anyone wants to try one. Ideas are as always, infinite. 

-Fin